Should I be totally freaking out?
I had a conference with Kate's kindergarten teacher this week, and her teacher told me that she's worried that Kate might struggle in first grade. Kate's "young-acting," not all that interested in schoolwork (the teacher said Kate would be happy to "just color all day"), and not where she should be with letter and sound recognition. The good news, the teacher said, is that Kate doesn't seem to be stressed at all, that she's very social and happy at school.
Part of me is worried and anxious. And feeling guilty. (For sending Kate to school too early, for not working with her enough at home, for spending too much time/energy on my own work, for blithely assuming that she'd be like Anna and just pick it all up on her own.)
But I'm also not surprised by the situation. When Kate was a baby, Todd and I sometimes referred to her, lovingly, as "Lazy Kate." She just wasn't into putting herself out in any way. Like if a toy was out of her reach, she wouldn't bother to stretch for it; she'd just play with her toes. Or if she didn't know how to ask for something, she'd just let her chatty older sister do all the talking.
I've always rather liked this quality in Kate. She's not the perfectionist, make-herself-sick kind of kid that I was. She's not the always-gotta-be-moving-and-talking-and-doing kind of kid that Anna is. She's just...content where she is.
But...what to do? I asked the teacher if Kate should repeat kindergarten. She said probably not--she thinks the blow to kids' self-esteem outweighs the gains they make intellectually when they repeat a grade. So we decided that Todd and I will try doing some really intensive work with Kate in the evenings and over the summer. The teacher said she'll order us some books to use. And I talked with my sister, a kindergarten teacher in another state, who's going to send me some curricular stuff. So I feel like we have a plan.
I'm surprisingly calm about all this. Which kind of scares me. Should I be totally freaking out?
posted by Deb @ 2:20 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
No, don't freak out. Just spend time this summer working on things with her--you'll both have fun.
This reminds me of a time when I was little. I was the oldest and very independent and driven--an early reader and writer. My brother, who was three years younger, was more social and not interested in reading or writing at four. But he did go to a nursery school where the children created notebooks for Mother's Day--I'll never forget how mad I was that my mother was making a big fuss over my brother's book--twenty pages with his name spelled BACKWARDS. But, he learned to read and write (forwards, too!) and is now a happy , successful adult.
I have no real opinion either way, especially without having kids or knowing more. My only experience in this is via my mom, who used to teach at a private kindergarten. She would recommend to parents about once a year (out of twenty kids) to hold their child back. These recommendations were undoubtedly colored by them holding my older brother back in kindergarten, which turned out to be a wonderful thing for him.
Anyway, I think the kids took it FAR better than the parents. They tended to adjust pretty easily and quickly, while the parents were the one who really took it as a blow. (It's not, of course. Kids develop at different speeds.) If I recall though, one of the key signs was a kid who was spazzy and acting up like the class clown - being entertainment instead of interacting with the other kids. Sounds like Kate is exactly the opposite.
Anyway just some random anecdotes, but I think you shouldn't be freaking out at all.
No, you shouldn't be freaking out. Kids develop at different paces at different times. Lily didn't walk until she was almost 16 months old and never crawled and everyone kept telling me I should be freaking out--that she'd never read (there's a connection between crawling and reading), her legs were messed up, etc. But hey, she did start walking and has started reading. I'm sure there will be other times when she's "behind" or "ahead." There were for me. Your attitude sounds healthy.
Thanks for the feedback!
Joanna, your story about your mom making a fuss over your brother's work cracked me up. Anna gets SO jealous when I make a big deal about Kate's creations.
Sheepish, thanks for sharing your story about your mom and your brother. I think you're right about the holding-back thing being harder on the parents. One of my big concerns, though, is that Kate is SO close to one little girl in her class, and I think it would just crush her to not be with that little girl. Of course, who knows--they could end up not liking each other in a few years anyway.
Liz, my girls were late crawlers and walkers too, and people would always make me feel like there was something wrong with them. And with me.
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